**********
I'm still working on the Dress of Doom:
I spent half of last night trying to figure out how to sew the pleats -- and then realized at the end of the night that there are no sewn-in seams on the line art. The pleats are pressed in. (I think.) So tonight I'm going to unpick all the basting and have some happy fun time with the iron.
And then try to install my first-ever zipper! Whee!
**********
I want my jacket back.
So they're separated again. I think it's territorial aggression -- I should probably reconfigure the dining room (we've already blocked off the window) and supervise them both when they're in there. I hate not being able to leave them alone, though.
Luckily, work on Friday was mostly meetings and not a lot of writing. I spent most of the weekend gardening, running errands and obsessing over sewing projects. (I'm currently trying to make this for my brother's wedding; I finished a fake muslin version and it fits, so it's time to try the real fabric, a dark purple "linen-like" cotton that's not quite as stretchy. Scary.)
I also finally ordered Alabama Chanin's book, and it's scaring the crap out of me. The garments are pretty simple constructions with elaborate appliques and embroidery ... but everything is hand-sewn. No machine stitching at all. They're beautiful, though, and I might just have to try it at some point.
Also, last week I discovered Catherine Daze's blog. She's my new sewing hero. I'm putting together a list of patterns she's done that I want to try too, at some point. She made the Chado Ralph Rucci dress of doom, for crying out loud, and it worked. There's hope.
DM: Dude, I have an idea. Let's make a movie!
LM: Dude, totally. About what?
DM: A hot feral chick in the woods and the dude who captures her. But the dude is an asshole and we show a lot of boobies. It's, like, a comment on the male gaze or something. With boobies.
LM: That's a great idea. Dude, you're so smart.
DM: No, dude, you're so smart.
LM: Kind of like Sucker Punch, which is so totally feminist, because that one guy said so. But with BOOBIES!
DM: Exactly. We're so smart.
LM: Okay, so what does the feral hot chick look like?
DM: Clearly, that's the most important question. She's hot, but only after she's washed off. Also, she has professionally cut bangs.
LM: All feral hot chicks do. So when does the audience first see her?
DM: I don't know, there's a scene before the credits with a dog and a baby, or something? Does it matter?
LM: Nope. When does the asshole guy first see her?
DM: Oh, when she's bathing topless. So...
LM: BOOBIES!
DM: BOOBIES!
LM: BOOBIES!
DM: This is great. You're so smart.
LM: No, you're so smart. And then what happens?
DM: He captures her, brings her home, ties her up, and shows her to his family.
LM: OK.
DM. But not before she bites off the guy's finger! AHAHAHAHA!
LM: Brilliant. Because hot feral tied-up chicks can just bite off and swallow fingers with no problem. That's so realistic!
DM: I know! You know what else is realistic?
LM: What?
DM: A six-year-old who listens to mopey hipster music!
LM: EXACTLY. You know what else we should do?
DM: What?
LM: Introduce a morning scene by having a rooster crow. That is totally not stupid and has never been done before!
DM: Brilliant!
LM: And you know what else?
DM: You're just on fire with the ideas here. What?
LM: To make the storytelling as efficient and competent as possible, we should have a disembodied voiceover. But only once, so it doesn't stand out or anything.
DM: Genius!
LM: Okay, we have a problem, though.
DM: What's that?
LM: How do we make the female characters realistic? I mean, I know lesbians pretty well, but what about regular hot chicks?
DM: Oh, I can help with that. I have a bowl cut and wear Hawaiian shirts, you know.
LM: You must be quite a hit with the ladies.
DM: I greatly enjoy shoving my tongue down ladies' throats at cons, yes.
LM: Okay, so how do chicks talk?
DM: Here's an idea. At one point, a female character says about another female character -- and I'm just paraphrasing here -- "She's such a pretty girl, and you know girls these days, with the short skirts and low-cut tops. But she wears oversized clothes. She should flaunt it."
LM: That is TOTALLY realistic.
DM: Also, later, when she's trying to convince someone that the other female character is pregnant, she says, "She's been taking a lot of restroom breaks from class, and she keeps excusing herself from gym, and she wears clothes that are much too big for her."
LM: That is totally convincing, because chicks notice clothes.
DM: Yup. You're so smart.
LM: No, you're so smart.
DM: And the chick who's saying this has to be totally hot, and she has to be wearing a skimpy short dress. That's what teachers wear!
LM: Oh, and she should totally try to leave a message on someone's answering machine explaining that their daughter is pregnant. Teachers totally do that.
DM: All the time.
LM: The main thing is, chicks always know when other chicks are pregnant. So how should we end it?
DM: Well, there needs to be a totally not stupid twist involving a bitch.
LM: Huh?
DM: And by "bitch," I mean a female dog. Not a bitch. Well, she is a bitch, though. I guess she's a bitch bitch.
LM: Oh, I see where you're going there. What else?
DM: The feral hot chick bites off someone's cheek, because that's the fastest and easiest way to take someone down at the end of a horror movie.
LM: Dude, awesome. You're so smart.
DM: No, you're so smart.
LM: BOOBIES!
DM: BOOBIES!
Whoops.
But THEN! This thing happened yesterday!
I called American Airlines to get my frequent-flier number because their website wasn't working. Their bullshit phone tree didn't have any kind of "get your account information" option, so I finally just decided to fake-book the trip we need to take in June, hoping to reach an actual person who would just give me the frequent-flier number.
I got an actual person and started to fake-book the trip, and the person said, "Okay, you have 85,000 miles..."
WHAT?
"You have 85,000 miles..."
I HAVE EIGHTY-FIVE THOUSAND MILES?
"Now, if you took the 6 a.m. flight, it'd only cost you 12,000 miles, but if you took the 8 a.m., it'd be 25..."
WHAT?!?!?!!!!!!!!
The upshot is: I have enough miles for at least two round-trip domestic flights somewhere. OR -- and this is the best news ever -- the open-ended backpacking trip to Europe. I was playing around on their website, and a one-way trip to Amsterdam is 30,000 miles.
I HAVE ENOUGH MILES FOR THE BIG TRIP. OH MY GOD. And almost enough for the SO. I need to check up on their bonus miles and whatnot.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel, finally. I can deal with the rough days with secret travel-planning! Woo! (Not that I wasn't doing that already.)
Oh, they also have a 214-foot waterslide. I'm doomed.
The only branded kids' cards I saw were Scooby-Doo and Snoopy. I can live with that.
- Selena Gomez
- Minnie Mouse
- Disney princess
- Disney princess
- Disney princess
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