But not this alpha-male asshole! He said, "Then you should have stood HERE," and pointed at the space.
The SO argued with him briefly, but alpha-male asshole kept reiterating his point about how we should have stood RIGHT THERE if we were next in line. He kept smirking and grumbling at us and checking out really slowly, and finally the SO couldn't take it anymore and said, "Take your time; clearly your time is more valuable than ours," and the guy got in his face and said, "My friend, you're a wiseass."
I said, "You jumped in front of us."
He said, "You should have stood HERE," and pointed. Which was his only argument, really.
I said, "You jumped in front of us," fairly loudly, and repeated it a couple of times (humiliation is fun!) as he finished checking out. Finally he finished and said "fuck you" and left.
1) I guess we're real suburbanites now.
2) I have a new name for the SO: Wiseass!
I like the new job. It's pretty old-school -- I work on mostly print stuff, project-managing and editing and routing proofs. It's nice to work on actual pieces of paper again. And I get access to all their libraries and museums and everything. I'm still amazed that I get to work here. I hope it works out.
Freelancing: I'm editing someone's novel and it's harsh, man. I think I'm done with fiction after this. (And freelancing in general, maybe. I do like editing, but I'm tired of being on call 24/7. I want my time back.)
Travel: I went to Belgium and Amsterdam and liked Belgium a lot better. I want to go back.
Gardening: Is a little scaled-back this year. Bachelor's buttons, ground cherry, basil, and some sunflowers. I went to Home Depot and asked the guy if they had a native plants section, and he said, "Native? What do you mean, native?" and I said, "Native to Massachusetts," and he said, "Well, all these plants grow here. Try a rhododendron!" So I said, "I want plants that attract critters," and he said, "...Attract critters? Here, this shrub is deer-resistant!" Fail.
It's time to disconnect. I need to not think about RP or work drama or freelance drama or anything for awhile and go look at some art.
1) I love Veronica Mars
2) I'd love to see a Veronica Mars movie
3) Contributing to Kickstarter is one way to help make that happen
4) And I get stuff in return, including a script. (I love reading scripts.) Stuff I wouldn't get if I just Netflixed it or whatever.
So what's the problem, internets? It seems like a pretty simple transaction to me.
Because Mechagodzilla is shooting LASERS from his EYES and shooting FIRE from his FINGERS and also shooting FIRE from his NOSE and Godzilla is also PROBABLY BREATHING FIRE and the guy in the back is getting ready to shoot FIRE from his EYEBALLS.
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE
A. Oh hi, horror/mystery writer that I like a lot.
Q. How was Boskone?
A. Pretty great, actually. I found two of your books (and your books aren't that easy to find) in the huckster's room for $1 each.
Q. And what else?
A. Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson on the freebie table!
A. I know!
Q. So there was something you wanted to tell me, right?
A. Yes. It's about the book I just finished.
Q. It was pretty good, right? Scary?
A. Yeah, pretty good. Mostly well-written. And the scary parts were pretty shocking, actually.
Q. That's what I'm here for.
A. I know. You're better than a lot of other mass-market horror writers most of the time. That's why I read you.
...There's just this...one thing.
Q. What's that?
A. The penis thing.
Q. What penis thing?
A. The random-throwing-of-a-naked-penis-into-a-s
Q. It's not?
A. Let me say this again. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY.
Q. ...They're not?
A. You guys all seem to have a really hard time understanding this. A naked penis thrown into a scene where unspeakable horror is happening is just silly.
Q. I don't believe you.
A. Example: Your serial killer spends most of the book slowly removing the flesh from victims while they're still alive, and while they watch, which is pretty horrible and terrifying...but then, at the climactic moment, the killer reveals a NAKED PENIS. Which is supposed to be even more terrifying? I guess?
Q. I don't know. I was pretty scared.
A. I bet you were.
...There's just one other thing.
A. A lady who has just met another lady typically doesn't go right over to the new ladyfriend's house, take a bubble bath in the new ladyfriend's tub, and have the new ladyfriend massage her breasts.
Q. They don't?
A. Especially when one of them is a detective tracking a serial killer.
Q. They DON'T?
Q. Cinemax lied to me.
A. Cinemax lies to everyone, man.
We accidentally got each other the exact same brand of mead (but different flavors). I walked in and the SO had his mead on the table, and was like "Hey, I got us some mead!" And I said. "Uh, I got you something too..." So that was fun.
Went to Bertucci's last night for dinner (shut up shut up I like Bertucci's) and tried to go to our favorite FYE, but it was gone. Sad.
- Daughter of super-permissive divorced mom: Syphilis.
- Daughter of super-strict Christian mom: Syphilis.
- Daughter of super-supportive loving mom: Syphilis.
I had to tape the rest because it was late and I had to go to bed, but there's still an hour to go. I have no idea what's going to happen.
Back to PaperbackSwap you go.
Then I finally convinced the SO to read Pippi Longstocking, and he spent the night drinking and reading and laughing his ass off, while I also drank and reread Mark Leyner's My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist, and laughed my ass off. It was a good night.