We had a lovely throwdown last night in the checkout line at Costco. We were next in line for the checkout, but hanging back a bit to give the next person some space, as per Costco etiquette (at least, at every Costco I've ever been to). Then a guy jumped in front of us. The SO said, politely, "Hey, we were next in line," which in any other situation would be a cue for the other person to say, "Oh, sorry, go ahead."

But not this alpha-male asshole! He said, "Then you should have stood HERE," and pointed at the space.

The SO argued with him briefly, but alpha-male asshole kept reiterating his point about how we should have stood RIGHT THERE if we were next in line. He kept smirking and grumbling at us and checking out really slowly, and finally the SO couldn't take it anymore and said, "Take your time; clearly your time is more valuable than ours," and the guy got in his face and said, "My friend, you're a wiseass."

I said, "You jumped in front of us."

He said, "You should have stood HERE," and pointed. Which was his only argument, really.

I said, "You jumped in front of us," fairly loudly, and repeated it a couple of times (humiliation is fun!) as he finished checking out. Finally he finished and said "fuck you" and left.

In conclusion:

1) I guess we're real suburbanites now.
2) I have a new name for the SO: Wiseass!

Feeling sort of disconnected from LJ these days. I post most updates on Facebook, mostly. I have a Twitter account but never use it.

I like the new job. It's pretty old-school -- I work on mostly print stuff, project-managing and editing and routing proofs. It's nice to work on actual pieces of paper again. And I get access to all their libraries and museums and everything. I'm still amazed that I get to work here. I hope it works out.

Freelancing: I'm editing someone's novel and it's harsh, man. I think I'm done with fiction after this. (And freelancing in general, maybe. I do like editing, but I'm tired of being on call 24/7. I want my time back.)

Travel: I went to Belgium and Amsterdam and liked Belgium a lot better. I want to go back.

Gardening: Is a little scaled-back this year. Bachelor's buttons, ground cherry, basil, and some sunflowers. I went to Home Depot and asked the guy if they had a native plants section, and he said, "Native? What do you mean, native?" and I said, "Native to Massachusetts," and he said, "Well, all these plants grow here. Try a rhododendron!" So I said, "I want plants that attract critters," and he said, "...Attract critters? Here, this shrub is deer-resistant!" Fail.

I told the Tale of the Misdiagnosis twice in the last two days. It was sort of emotionally exhausting and I don't think I want to do it again for awhile.

It's time to disconnect. I need to not think about RP or work drama or freelance drama or anything for awhile and go look at some art.

I'm a little confused, here, over the Veronica Mars backlash. Because:

1) I love Veronica Mars

2) I'd love to see a Veronica Mars movie

3) Contributing to Kickstarter is one way to help make that happen

4) And I get stuff in return, including a script. (I love reading scripts.) Stuff I wouldn't get if I just Netflixed it or whatever.

So what's the problem, internets? It seems like a pretty simple transaction to me.

This is the greatest movie poster of all time:



Because Mechagodzilla is shooting LASERS from his EYES and shooting FIRE from his FINGERS and also shooting FIRE from his NOSE and Godzilla is also PROBABLY BREATHING FIRE and the guy in the back is getting ready to shoot FIRE from his EYEBALLS.

FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE

THE END

Q. Hi!

A. Oh hi, horror/mystery writer that I like a lot.

Q. How was Boskone?

A. Pretty great, actually. I found two of your books (and your books aren't that easy to find) in the huckster's room for $1 each.

Q. And what else?

A. Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson on the freebie table!

Q. Score!

A. I know!

Q. So there was something you wanted to tell me, right?

A. Yes. It's about the book I just finished.

Q. It was pretty good, right? Scary?

A. Yeah, pretty good. Mostly well-written. And the scary parts were pretty shocking, actually.

Q. That's what I'm here for.

A. I know. You're better than a lot of other mass-market horror writers most of the time. That's why I read you.

...There's just this...one thing.

Q. What's that?

A. The penis thing.

Q. What penis thing?

A. The random-throwing-of-a-naked-penis-into-a-scene-like-it's-scary thing.

Q. It's not?

A. Let me say this again. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY.

Q. ...They're not?

A. You guys all seem to have a really hard time understanding this. A naked penis thrown into a scene where unspeakable horror is happening is just silly.

Q. I don't believe you.

A. Example: Your serial killer spends most of the book slowly removing the flesh from victims while they're still alive, and while they watch, which is pretty horrible and terrifying...but then, at the climactic moment, the killer reveals a NAKED PENIS. Which is supposed to be even more terrifying? I guess?

Q. I don't know. I was pretty scared.

A. I bet you were.

...There's just one other thing.

Q. What?

A. A lady who has just met another lady typically doesn't go right over to the new ladyfriend's house, take a bubble bath in the new ladyfriend's tub, and have the new ladyfriend massage her breasts.

Q. They don't?

A. Especially when one of them is a detective tracking a serial killer.

Q. They DON'T?

A. No.

Q. Cinemax lied to me.

A. Cinemax lies to everyone, man.

Last night's Lifetime movie was really confusing. It was called She's Too Young, or something, but it really should have been called You Have Syphilis, because ALL the teenage girls got syphilis. As the SO pointed out, it was really hard to pin down any kind of moral lesson, because no matter what, you got syphilis.

• Daughter of super-permissive divorced mom: Syphilis.
• Daughter of super-strict Christian mom: Syphilis.
• Daughter of super-supportive loving mom: Syphilis.

And then the daughter of the super-supportive loving mom looked up syphilis on the internet, and there was a horrible montage of syphilis sores and stuff, but it didn't matter, because in the next scene, all the teenage girls who had syphilis were getting shots of penicillin to get rid of the syphilis.

I had to tape the rest because it was late and I had to go to bed, but there's still an hour to go. I have no idea what's going to happen.

I finally, FINALLY finished A Discovery of Witches, and yes, it was terrible all the way through, and no, they didn't do it, even though they're vampire-married (which happens when the boy vampire says it does, apparently). Also, an important plot point (and gaping plot hole) hinges on a witch not knowing what pennyroyal and tansy are, which I found kind of hard to believe.

Back to PaperbackSwap you go.

Then I finally convinced the SO to read Pippi Longstocking, and he spent the night drinking and reading and laughing his ass off, while I also drank and reread Mark Leyner's My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist, and laughed my ass off. It was a good night.