farklebarkle (farklebarkle) wrote,

more blindo, more blindo, more blindo

Paid a lovely visit to the state rehab office yesterday to find out about services for my sad, moldy, imploding little retinas. It was okay!

I've been dreading it because applying for The Ride was so horrible (I got turned down, btw), but State Rehab Guy spent two hours filling out forms and listening to everything I had to say. The more questions he asked, the more I kept thinking of interesting new ways my eyes are fucked. Like: Stairs are a new thing. Ascending is fine; descending is a problem, especially if the edges aren't marked with that super-cool reflective tape. I realized that it's affecting social stuff at work, too: I can't see if someone's extending their hand for a handshake or if they're handing me something.

The new line for people who know is: I can see, it just takes me a little longer. But I don't know what to tell people who don't know.  "Ha ha, I have night blindness" doesn't work if you're trying to get down some stairs in broad daylight.

At one point, State Rehab Guy said, "You know, you really downplayed this when you first came in, but it seems like you're having some issues." And, yeah, I did, because part of it is that I feel defensive and embarrassed because WHY I CANNOT GET STUPID EYE THINGS TO WORK.

I told him that things change day to day, and I'm still learning what I can and cannot do. That's the most frustrating thing: I don't know what the fuck is going on, I don't know how to deal with it, and I don't know how to tell people about it. It sucks!

State Rehab Guy was colorblind, so we spent some time commiserating about how the world is not set up for us. Re: stoplights: "Why can't they show, like, pluses or something instead of solid colors?"

In conclusion: The thing is ongoing and I'm hoping to get some help with the thing.
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